Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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