why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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