just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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