I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
