just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize