Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
