john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
