You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
