margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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