Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have tasted many bathrooms
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
