Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
