How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Randomize
