We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
