Say something about gay babies.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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