Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
