Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
