There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
