Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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