Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
