i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
