My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
