none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
