why didn't you poke me back
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
