I cockslap morals
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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