he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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