I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I am one with the molecules
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
