i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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