The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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