girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize