All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
