and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
