I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
