After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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