i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
