Got a toothbrush?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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