the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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