separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
