1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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