I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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