she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
