I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
