I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
