R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
