Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
