It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
