Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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