you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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