I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize