just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
