saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
