I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
