It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Randomize
