You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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