I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
