I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
