i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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