I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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