Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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