Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
