Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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