real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
