Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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