Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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