i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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