Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
