I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
