Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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