Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
