my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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