my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
