You're my little dorito
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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