I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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