Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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