Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
