how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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